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6 Ways to Set Boundaries and Cut Back On Your Drinking - Self

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“Too many of us go through years of waking up every morning saying, ‘I’m not going to drink today,’ and then breaking that rule,” says Mary Reid, 59, executive director of Moderation Management (MM), a nonprofit that offers resources to help people reduce their alcohol consumption. If the goals you set for yourself aren’t working, then try to do something that feels easier. Maybe you decide to have only one drink on weeknights. From there, you can build up to more ambitious goals.

Melanie Cox, 47, created a list of guidelines around alcohol that she loosely follows. She doesn’t drink at concerts, by herself, and on first dates, and she has a two-drink limit. But she doesn’t always abide by these—and doesn’t feel guilty when that happens. “The rules are flexible, but I’m glad that I have them, compared to not having any framework to work with,” she tells SELF.

Hilary Sheinbaum, who is in her early 30s, says starting with a “dry” month—her way of saying she didn’t drink at all for 30 days—was helpful because she didn’t feel pressured to make it a permanent commitment. In 2017, Sheinbaum completed her first dry January as a bet, which she won, and discovered that she felt much better.

“I realized the impact that alcohol was having on my sleep and on my energy,” Sheinbaum tells SELF. After the initial month, Sheinbaum noticed that she naturally drank less alcohol and continued doing dry months every so often. (She even wrote a book, The Dry Challenge, about her experiences.) Sheinbaum never decided to abstain completely, but she is less interested in drinking now. “Most of the time it just doesn’t occur to me anymore,” she says.

3. Share your boundaries with others if you’re comfortable doing so.

There will probably be times when people question why you aren’t drinking. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but telling people the reason for your decision (if you feel comfortable with that) may help them understand. You might say something simple like, “I feel better when I don’t drink alcohol, so I’m choosing not to.” Sebastian says she usually says something like, “Oh, my gosh, no, I have even more fun now than when I used to drink!” In her experience, people react well to her high-energy response and usually don’t push the issue.

Cathryn Castle Garcia, 57, cut back on drinking when she realized that having more than one drink at a time was disrupting her sleep. Now she’ll savor a single drink, and if anyone pushes her to have more than that, she injects humor into her response. “To people that insist, ‘Come on, have another,’ I say, ‘When I wake up at 2 a.m., I’ll text you 100,000 times and make certain that you can join me in the fun of insomnia!’” Castle Garcia tells SELF.

4. Get creative with how you spend your time.

A lot of social events—happy hour, dinner, parties—involve drinking alcohol. And if these are common go-tos for the people you’re close to, you may feel less comfortable or less inclined to go out if you’re not drinking as much as you used to. Sebastian says that she now suggests an activity, like an art exhibit at a museum, where alcohol isn’t as big of a focus. “I never used to do stuff like that,” she says. This approach works for Sheinbaum as well. “Instead of going to the bar, you can say to your friends, ‘Let’s throw a baseball in the park or go get our nails done,’” Sheinbaum says.

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6 Ways to Set Boundaries and Cut Back On Your Drinking - Self
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