Texas summer is already starting to rear its ugly head, which means I'm ready to enjoy plenty of my favorite summer cocktail: Ranch water.
Ranch water is easy. Ranch water is simple. It's Topo Chico, tequila, lime and ice. You don't even need a shaker. But some have taken it upon themselves to put this West Texas classic in a can.
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And I have never, ever met a canned ranch water I like.
AdWeek's T.L. Stanley is predicting ranch water will be the drink of hot vaccinated girl summer, a headline that excited me until I realized they were talking about ranch water in a can. Canned ranch water is missing almost everything that makes actual ranch water great, and I won't stand for this.
It's not that I'm against convenience or the simplification of anything, especially when it comes to a pool drink. But here's what I have against ranch water in a can:
It always goes flat.
One of the best things about ranch water is that the Topo Chico makes it aggressively bubbly and refreshing. In all the canned ranch waters (and most seltzers) I've sampled, all essence of fizz is gone within minutes. Nothing is worse on a hot day than a flat, lukewarm drink.
There's not even tequila in it most of the time.
Hint: If you're buying a canned ranch water somewhere besides a liquor store, there's no tequila in it at all. It's likely just a hard seltzer flavored to resemble a ranch water.
And if there's no tequila in it, you shouldn't bother calling it a ranch water.
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Canned ranch water can get expensive.
A four-pack of Ranch Rider Spirits Ranch Water (one of the few with actual tequila in it) costs nearly $14 at Spec's, which comes to about $3.50 per can. A little pricey for one canned drink at home, if you ask me.
Topo Chico is $1.59 for a 1.5-liter bottle. Limes are like, 20 cents each.
And depending on your tequila budget, you can really make cost-effective ranch water. You get about 16 shots of tequila per 750 mL bottle. That's 16 ranch waters. Say your tequila budget is $20, and you've got 16 ranch waters for less than $1.50 each.
It's just economics.
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While a convenient can may be tempting, but I'm hoping the majority of Texans just head to the liquor store and the Topo Chico aisle.
Love yourself this summer, and just mix your own ranch water. It'll always be worth it.
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